wow its been awhile since ive updated.

its been one year since my back surgery (bone fusion)
im currently in Wade College studying Graphic Design
amber is no longer living with me
we're technically not together, but we're working on everything
my sister is 13 [wow!]
my parents are no longer together
my dad knows im trans
i was featured front page of the dallas observer in sept of last year [link]

i am in Seventeen's march 08 issue (not the prom one) on pg 132

thats all i can think of right now


<3

Wow...um...so yeah. I haven't updated since Thanksgiving. Congratulations? lol

hmmm...what's happened?

A WHOLE LOT!!! lol

Mostly just wanted to let people have a general update...such as...

-Amber has moved in with me (Nov '06...Dec officially)

-X-Mas..duh.

-January I had a epidural steriod injection in my lower spine to alleviate pain

NOW on Friday I'm going in for bone fusion surgery...yay?

hey, it should relieve all the pain and allow me to have "normal" activity abilities etc. This means NO MORE 10 lb weight limit AND it means I can go BACK TO MARTIAL ARTS!

Oh yeah...I didn't go to school this semester either due to all the back stuff. But I will be back in Fall of '07 with my friends at NorthLake Community College...that's about it I think.

oh and my brother turned 16 on Monday the 26th (for those of you who know him)

and my sister is 12 haha

<3


peace out homies!

-Jacoby James

so yeah a bits happened here and there but I probably wont elaborate much...

It is Turkey Day! So happy belated turkey day to people and such! I hope everyone had enough turkey to sleep for three days!

Schools going alright just can't wait for the semester to be over.

I've been having some issues with some fuckheads lately but slowly making it through!

This is the first holiday season where we won't be talking for two weeks about going to see my grandma. The first time in 5 years or so when we won't go see her at the nursing home and tell her happy thanksgiving while she eats what they call "turkey" haha. This will be the first christmas we don't see her in awhile either.

This thanksgiving has been so fucking scatter-brained. My family's together but they're not. My plans have changed a few times and I'm not really happy with the results but it's not like people are getting along enough for me to be able to care right?

Things between Amber and I are good, even though the rest of the worlds seems to like to try and make things as difficult as they can. That's alright, 50 years from now when they're all dying or divorced they won't be able to say shit, right?

I got sad today because I started thinking about all the people who couldn't be with their families (don't have any left, Iraq, homeless, nursing homes, estranged, the list goes on...etc) so it made me a little grateful for what I had I guess.

I want more stuffing.

idk what else to say.

I've had the same headache for a week.

I love you guys.

I guess I'll ttyl.

<3

I dont know what to say but I wrote this two seconds ago, and I feel the strong need to post lyrics, so here I go...


I'm not suicidal, I'm just finding it hard to find the best things in life. Yes there are good things, but right now there is so much undefined shit that surpasses all that. I'm not looking to end my life, rather I wish it was MUCH better. Where does that leave me? At depressed? at confused? at stressed? all of the above. so help me...

untitled

once again sleep has eluded me
as my mind takes over

I'm lost in the confusion of my own battle
while trying to appear to be sane

let not the outside deceive you
I cannot live without you
society - the ones who have made me

but at least have the consideration
to give me someone who understands
what's going on

the very people who have helped create me
are the only ones left to choose to help me

trust broken, forever lost
now I'm supposed to overlook

I hope that I can make it through this run
and I hope that it is me, not you, that makes number one



lyrics

Pain Redefined

Fading, falling, lost in forever
Will I find a way to keep it together?
Am I strong enough to last through the weather in the hurricane of my life?
Can it be a conscious decision?
That I look for ways to alter my vision?
Am I speeding towards another collision in the alleyways of my life?

Memories don't lie
You know better than
Memories don't lie
You know better than
Memories don't lie
You know better than
Those who have fallen in
Memories don't lie
You know better than
Memories don't lie
You know better than
Memories don't lie
You know better than
Those who have fallen in

Please believe me
That my eyes deceive me?
Don't stand me up
Just leave me
I have fallen again
This is the end
Pain redefined

Shaking, burning up with the fever
In the realm of pain, I am the deceiver
Now I lie to myself, so I can believe her
As she dissembles my life
I cannot dispel the illusion
All my hopes and dreams are drowned by confusion
Can I find a way to make a solution that will reconfigure my life?

Memories don't lie
You know better than
Memories don't lie
You know better than
Memories don't lie
You know better than
Those who have fallen in
Memories don't lie
You know better than
Memories don't lie
You know better than
Memories don't lie
You know better than
Those who have fallen in

Please believe me
That my ears deceive me
Don't stand me up
Just leave me
I have fallen again
This is the end
Pain redefined

And I know that stillness shatters
We have all been frightened by the
The sound of footsteps on the pavement of our lives
I stand and fight
I'm not afraid to die
Elochai, bury me tonight

Please believe me
That the world decieves me
Don't stand me up
Just leave
I have fallen again
This is the end
Pain redefined



I'm Alive
Disturbed

Never again will I be dishonored
And never again will I be reminded
Of living within the world of the jaded
They kill inspiration
It's my obligation
To never again, allow this to happen
Where do I begin?
The choices are endless
Denying the sin
My art, my redemption
I carry the torch of my fathers before me

The thing I treasure most in life cannot be taken away
There will never be a reason why I will surrender to your advice
To change myself, I'd rather die
Though they will not understand
I won't make the greatest sacrifice
You can't predict where the outcome lies
You'll never take me alive
I'm alive
I'm alive
I'm alive

Change again, cannot be considered
I rage again, dispelling my anger
Where do I begin?
The choices are endless
My art, my redemption, my only salvation
I carry the gift that I have been blessed with
My soul is adrift in oceans of madness
Repairing the rift that you have created
I am not alone, brothers, give me your arms now

The thing I treasure most in life cannot be taken away
There will never be a reason why I will surrender to your advice
To change myself, I'd rather die
Though they will not understand
I won't make the greatest sacrifice
You can't predict where the outcome lies
You'll never take me alive

I'm no slave
Are you feeling brave?
Or have you gone out of your mind?
No more games
It won't feel the same
If I hold my anger inside
There's no meaning
My soul is bleeding
I've had enough of your kind
One suggestion, use your discretion
Before you label me blind

The thing I treasure most in life cannot be taken away
There will never be a reason why I will surrender to your advice
To change myself, I'd rather die
Though they will not understand
I won't make the greatest sacrifice
You can't predict where the outcome lies
You'll never take me alive
I'm alive
I'm alive
I'm alive
I'm alive
I'm alive
I'm alive
I'm alive
I'm alive

Okay so... Jacoby apparently is either crazy, or grew balls.

I just signed up for the Talent Show that's tomorrow (tues oct 24) at 8:00. I was thinking of doing poetry but I have over 200 poems so yeah, that makes deciding hard. They are actually giving trophies so I yeah, I'm gonna try and place. PLEASE - if you have a favorite poem of mine that you think I should do, let me know which one! (if you really wanna make my life easy you can include the link lol)

It's really hard to read your own stuff and make fair judgements on how good/bad it is or w/e so yeah I could use anybody's help for this.

Thank you very much guys!!!!

<3